The Role of Education and Parenting in Fostering Imposter Feelings

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    Imposter phenomenon reaches into many facets of an individual’s life, overshadowing and often undermining their achievements. In the work setting, they can limit professionals’ upward mobility, as many who are affected avoid going after higher ranks or fresh chances for fear that they’ll be found out and shown to be less than the ideal employee.

    In the world of academia, the demand for perfection can take a serious toll on students’ mental health and on their relationships with others. Not only might it lead to underperformance and even mental illness—it might also lead students to isolate themselves socially. The connection between academia and mental health is a serious one, and we really ought to talk more about it.

    It is vitally important to make sense of the imposter phenomenon and to understand the reasons for its occurrence. Only then is it possible to address directly the feelings of phoniness that so many seemingly successful people experience and to offer ways in which they—and we—can come to feel better about the legitimacy of our achievements.

    The Role of Education in Fostering Imposter Feelings

    The way education systems around the world are set up inadvertently helps to develop and maintain feelings of imposterism among students. They have a high façade; they look like something that is worth being part of. But when you become part of them, you find that your only way to the top—the only way to keep from being exposed as a fraud—is to be really, really, really good. And even then, you better hope you have some good reasons for being as good as you are.

    Consistently high-achieving students may develop a notion that their accomplishments result not from their own efforts but from outside forces like luck or timing. They may even think they have somehow pulled the wool over other people’s eyes and that no one would believe they were smart if others knew them better. Competitive spaces, such as academic ones, make people compare themselves to one another, and who wants to be the person at the bottom of that pile?

    One important facet of education that nurtures the development of imposter feelings is the lack of well-functioning feedback mechanisms. Grades are used as the main form of feedback, and they represent the end product. Effort and improvement—what should be realized in the context of the growth process—are not emphasized. Students in this context cannot help but feel that they are barely scraping through. And when they do succeed, it is nearly impossible for them to believe that it has anything to do with their abilities or effort (Barr-Waker, 2019).

    Overcoming the IMPOSTER PHENOMENON with confidence

    Moreover, conventional educational settings tend to cultivate neuroticism (Bernard et al., 2002), and perfectionism (Cusack et al., 2013) —a trait strongly associated with imposter syndrome. The quest for never-ending refinement can make students shy away from even safe, growth-oriented challenges, lest they fail and expose their pretender status.

    Educational FactorImpact on Imposter Phenomenon
    Competitive AtmosphereIdeates a breeding ground for comparison and heightened self-doubt.
    Lack of Constructive FeedbackPromotes reliance on external validation instead of internalized achievements.
    Focus on PerfectionismEnhances fear of failure leading to avoidance behaviors and diminished self-efficacy.

    By tackling these factors head-on within the context of their institutions, educators can help pave a clearer path for students who are contending with the variety of effects and the sheer presence of imposter phenomenon. Elimination of some foundational elements that contribute to the feelings associated with the imposter phenomenon is possible, and it is certainly the most feasible route to take for creating healthier campus environments.

    Understanding these functions makes it possible to establish an even more supportive educational context in which all students can thrive. This context could eliminate the fear students have of being ‘found out’ for any imagined or real deficiencies.

    The Impact of Parenting Styles on Imposter Feelings

    The intricate psychological condition known as the imposter phenomenon is significantly shaped by parenting styles that leads to a person’s attachment style. Authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and uninvolved are the four most commonly recognized and studied parenting styles that lead to a secure, preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachments. Each of these carries its own set of characteristics and developmental outcomes for children. The interactions between these styles and the development of imposter feelings in children and adolescents provide a much-needed understanding of how early familial influences shape an individual’s self-worth and perception of merit in regard to significant accomplishments. Let’s just say, all but the secure attachments come with challenges, to say the least, which can result in feelings of IP (Alvarado, 2015)

    Parents who maintain an authoritarian style are both demanding and low in responsiveness. They have high expectations but do not grant their children reasonable freedom to accomplish goals in their own way or even to try and fail. They make the rules and expect the children to follow them. The children raised this style may develop chronic low self-esteem or a lowered set of expectations for themselves because they are not given much in the way of opportunities to explore tasks in their own way or at their own pace (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991).

    Not having control over one’s own life can promote a story inside a person that says their success is not really deserved but is instead the result of meeting the demands of other people. This is very close to the way people with imposter syndrome typically think.

    Conversely, permissive parenting, which is high in responsiveness but low in demands, can also prompt imposter feelings (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991) . While these parents are highly emotionally supportive, their lack of discipline and structure might not give their children the skills they need to handle challenges and setbacks outside the home.

    Consequently, people may find it hard to control their impulses and may have trouble judging how well they are doing in a way that aligns with society’s expectations. In addition, parents who are authoritative and who blend high expectations with high warmth might promote an atmosphere that marries structure with support, making it less likely that children will grow up feeling as though they are frauds (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991) .

    Examples:

    • A child might be told by an authoritarian parent that getting a B+ is just plain not good enough. The parent might go on to say that the child is capable of getting A’s and must do so if any semblance of parental pride is to be maintained. They might say it in these words or some variation thereof.
    • A lenient parent might ignore or downplay mistakes rather than treat them as a chance for the child to learn something important.
    • It is likely that parents with an authoritative style would encourage their children to keep trying when they face setbacks and would be sure to acknowledge any small, intermediate successes (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991) .

    These observations emphasize how academic and professional self-images of children are steeped in the influence of their parents. Knowing this, adults can start to connect the dots of their own imposter phenomenon and work backwards in a sense to re-examine some formative incidents in their childhood involving their parents and the kinds of messages (successful or not) that they imparted.

    Societal Expectations and Imposter Phenomenon

    When examining the foundation and motivation of the imposter phenomenon, it is impossible to overlook the societal expectations that are everywhere and seem to carry so much weight. Society’s benchmarks for success are often set so high that the average person would have trouble reaching them; indeed, many who do reach them still hardly seem to enjoy it. From an early age, we are told that it is the A’s, the gold medals, and the public honorifics that make one a success and that anything less is tantamount to failure.

    A crooked value system can pump up the old imposter syndrome and make people feel less than others. How this happens is kind of a two-part story. First, it sets up standards that most of us have little hope of achieving. And second, it makes us feel that even if we do manage to reach some of those heights, we haven’t earned our success. 

    Additionally, we cannot ignore how social media can amplify feelings of being an imposter. These platforms are essentially a curated view of a person’s life. What we see on them are the peaks—the path is not always so straight and narrow, and it certainly is not always uphill to the kind of victories one would want to have on these platforms.

    The appearance of a perfect life online can make people feel as if they are not measuring up—that everyone else is effortlessly accomplishing impressive feats while they are barely getting by. This can be especially potent for those who already tend to doubt their worth. Social media set up this deadly comparison trap, and the more golden selfies one takes, the harder it is to remember that no one has a picture-perfect life.  

    Cultural beliefs about intelligence and competence significantly influence how likely people are to experience the imposter phenomenon. When societies stress that intelligence or talent is something one is born with, they undermine the very concept of resilience—the idea that one can grow through effort and overcome challenges. When the net is cast this wide, the imposter phenomenon becomes a rarely discussed rite of passage that affects a great many people. 

    When people take these values to heart, they feel ashamed if they have to try hard or if they stumble along the way. Seldom do we cry “Bravo!” when someone overcomes a challenge. More often, we hold up the fortunate few who are saved from having to try hard or to fail at all. This, of course, is the narrative that we all buy into and that we celebrate among ourselves. It is also what we need to rework if we are to make a dent in the commonality of imposter feelings. So, does societal support, or at least perceived support help with feeling less of an imposter? According to Aryn Benoit and Enrico Di’Tommaso from the University of Brunswick, Canada- it sure does. Their research showed that the less sucure one’s attachment is, the less perceived social support they got (Benoit & DiTommaso, 2020).

    Coping Strategies for Students and Young Adults

    Dealing with the feeling of being an imposter is particularly hard for students and young adults who are trying to succeed in the competitive worlds of education and early careers. If you are feeling this way, know that you are not alone and that many people who go on to have great success also feel this way. This part offers some good advice for how to keep these feelings from derailing your path.

    Seeking Support

    One of the best ways to fight the imposter syndrome is to reach out for support (Benoit & DiTommaso, 2020). Help can come from a host of people, but the best options are individuals whose job it is to help you see things more clearly or whose support helps give you a different perspective (Le, 2019). These are people who certainly understand the job or educational pressure you are under and have a good sense of the situation.

    It can be immensely relieving to talk with someone who knows you well about your doubts or fears and to hear that they’re not a sign that you’re about to falter. And if you’re not sure where to start with all of this, many colleges have counseling services , and some students have found benefit in seeing a therapist. Some support may also come from mentorship programs (Faulkner, 2015), educational and academic assistance (Le, 2019), or even from one’s own significant other as a lending ear (Rafaeli & Gleason, 2009) (I mean, after all…who knows you better than your intimate partner?). It turns out that seeking support from one’s own intimate partner tends to be – for individuals with IP- their first source of support (Rafaeli & Gleason, 2009).

    Challenging Negative Thoughts

    The internal narrative that one’s success is unwarranted or the result of sheer luck rather than skill or hard work keeps fueling the imposter feelings. It may take time and practice, but we can challenge this harmful and unfounded line of thinking. When it happens, we can first try to catch ourselves in the act of having the thought. Then we can counter it with evidence of our many well-deserved achievements. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), those thoughts are considered cognitive distortions or faulty thoughts, which cause cognitive dissonance (Essentially, unhelpful wrong thoughts). 

    A success journal allows people to record the good things that happen to them, the positive feedback they’ve received, the skills they’ve honed, and the tough challenges they’ve managed to overcome. It’s a kind of daybook for reminding oneself that, yes, we can and do succeed in our lives. What makes this journal even more “successful” is the practice of writing in it.

    Setting Realistic Goals and Practicing Self-Compassion

    Having extremely high expectations for oneself can make the feeling of being an impostor even worse. By setting reasonable goals that focus on their growth rather than on their perfection, students and young adults can build a much healthier framework for their idea of success. When they focus on the small victories that happen along the way, they reinforce the idea that they are competent!

    In addition to setting achievable goals, it is very important to be kind to oneself when something goes wrong. This lapse can be so tempting to view as proof that one doesn’t belong in a given situation. Remembering that almost everyone has to traverse the rocky road of provision unplanned bumps encourages us to just keep going and not give up on whatever hurdle we are facing.

    Adopting these strategies bolsters the means of combating the imposter phenomenon and creates the appearance of an environment where success is normalized and where students can more readily accept their recent achievements as the natural results of hard work and talent, not the outcome of flukes or shams. As these practices filter into the daily lives of students and young adults, so too does a sense of confidence regarding their owed and rightful spaces in their academic and professional ventures.

    Role of Educators and Parents in Alleviating Imposter Feelings

    It is impossible to overrate the impact of parents and teachers on the development of children’s and adolescents’ self-worth. These key figures can either reinforce or alleviate the feelings at the root of the impostor phenomenon. Because of their position, teachers have the power to create a classroom environment that underscores learning and individual effort and downplays the kind of talent or competition that can make students feel that they are not what they should be.

    An educational model centered on progress and comprehension, rather than an exclusive emphasis on achieving high marks, can cultivate a space where making mistakes is not only tolerated but celebrated. Allowing students to stumble and then guiding them to rise and try again (using different methods) is a model for one-on-one tuition that works. This is a pedagogical model that also works for groups, in short, for whole classes.

    Equally, a child’s emotional and psychological development is profoundly influenced by parenting (Bretherton, 1992) . When parents direct their children towards or away from certain goals or ideologies, they are shaping their children’s emotional and psychological development and influencing their — for lack of a better term — mental health image.

    The approaches that create a sense of self-worth and competence in children are those that allow them to be autonomous, give them thoughtful and constructive feedback, and recognize their efforts more than just the results they achieve. Parenting that shelters or criticizes too much can lead to a child thinking they are not capable or that they are only achieving what they do because of luck.

    Both educators and parents play a vital role in steering individuals through the challenges of life without allowing them to develop a chronic sense of self-doubt or a feeling of being a fraud in their stories of success. Helping them work through the ups and downs of life is part of what makes the journey toward independence a little smoother. Providing a supportive structure does not have to involve major life events that call for dramatic or costly actions. Sometimes, simple yet powerful affirmations can make all the difference.

    StrategyImpact
    Emphasizing Learning Over GradesCreates a safer learning environment conducive to intellectual risk-taking.
    Providing Constructive FeedbackHelps students understand areas for improvement without feeling diminished.
    Celebrating Effort Not Just OutcomesPromotes a growth mindset that values perseverance.

    When we use these strategic components in schools and as part of a child’s upbringing, we offer young people something far superior to the shielding of a learning tax passport. We give them a failure-friendly environment. In it, they can learn without the looming threat of being unmasked as a fraud. They can learn with the confidence that, in the long run, they’re going to be okay, even if now and then they don’t “succeed” in the traditional sense.

    Conclusion and Further Resources

    Feeling like an imposter, or the imposter phenomenon, is an issue of growing recognition that affects many facets of a person’s existence. Often, we can trace its genealogy back to formative educational and parenting experiences, as well as to the societal pressures we place on individuals in their early years.

    It is a path that takes ongoing, consistent energy and assistance to traverse—to arrive at a destination of comprehension and control of these unhelpful emotions. Those who wish to move past the obstructions that imposter syndrome throws onto their paths may find it helpful to step through these elements.

    As discussed, there are several key resources and strategies for individuals dealing with imposter feelings:

    1. Counseling Services: Working with therapists or counselors who specialize in cognitive-behavioral therapy can help individuals comprehend the nature of their thought patterns and teach them techniques to dislodge and defeat those patterns.

    2. Support Groups: Becoming part of a group, whether in-person or virtual, where the members share experiences related to imposter syndrome can provide one with social support and the realization that one is not alone in this circumstance.

    Seminar on coping strategies for IMPOSTER PHENOMENON

    3. Educational Tools: Reading books and attending workshops and online courses about self-esteem, resilience, and personal development can empower individuals to confront their imposter feelings.

    The part that teachers and parents play is crucial, too. It’s about creating an atmosphere where learning is valued and from which the kids can see that mistakes are part of the process. It’s about creating or helping them to create an identity where they see themselves as a work in progress. And that isn’t tied up with their magically being smart or not.

    Talks about imposter syndrome can be woven naturally into the curriculum or advisory programs of a school and, when done, can make a meaningful difference in students’ lives. The more that the subjects of imposter syndrome and feelings of inadequacy are normalized, the more that students will feel comfortable addressing them and seeking help.

    In the end, it’s vitally important for both online and offline communities to keep shining a light on the imposter phenomenon. It is, after all, something that far too many people experience and suffer in silence over. And though it might seem as if communities have been doing a pretty good job of this lately, there’s always more work to do and more key messages to get across.

    As we advance our conversation about the part that education and parenting play in making some people feel like impostors, we hope that everyone—as individuals and in the collective—will seek out and then share resources that help all of us feel more confident in our rightful places.

    References:

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      Journal
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